I’m ashamed. Today I went to a few websites that I had sworn myself from and engaged in rhetorical debate and ended up walking away from my computer shouting expletives. Why… why… why? Why didn’t I use that time more wisely writing something constructive? I feel like I’ve done something wrong and that I should be standing here saying, “Hello, my name is JB and I’m a debataholic.” Instead, I decided to rechannel my guilt and take some of my advice from an earlier post (that I also turned into an article and published on Ezine) to deal with my writer’s block. First, the diagnosis: I have the idontwannas. It comes and goes… and I’ve found that I’m unable to be inspired to work on my novel (but am perfectly happy to procrastinate by joining the fray where I shouldn’t and post this blog entry).
Be that as it may, I also have familial obligations that have a tendency to, at times, have solitary control over my emotions, especially in the mornings when I’m shuffling two kids off to school (then caring for two toddlers all day). This morning (before the babies were up at 8 ) I browsed the web “reading the paper” and felt the need to argue with people with whom I didn’t agree and when I was done, the guilt I carried over the engagement was puzzling. So, I decided to try an exercise in what we call in my house, “turning your lemons into lemonade.” In a nutshell, you are forbidden to see the negative aspect of any one situation and have to find the positive in everything that happens to and around you.
It so happens, that this morning I realized I had only two diapers left and would either need to go to the store and buy more wasteful disposables, or use the cloth ones I have (and have used on occasion). My youngest is now just over two (27 months) and has shown no interest in the toilet whatsoever. My son will be four next month and is fully potty trained and still goes on small portable potties if they are around. We’ve had them out hoping that the youngest would take an interest and we could finally be free of diaper slavery. Today, the lemonade I made involved shagging down all the potty training panties and regular panties I’ve been waiting to use when she was ready and put her in them, instead of worrying about diapers. I set the kitchen timer to go off in 15 minutes and I took her to use the bathroom… she thought it was the coolest thing since sliced bread. I kept the timer setting and every fifteen minutes, she went on command.
After doing this roughly six times, she came to me and asked to go… and when I took her, she went. I used my “lemons to lemonade” mantra in other areas, one of which was to continually ostracize myself for doing something I told myself I wouldn’t do anymore…but then I realized that at least I had written something.